Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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