okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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