in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm jealous of your bromance
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
