I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
