And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
