if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You work out of a Hotel?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
