I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
