Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
