I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
