I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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