I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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