I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
