am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
