At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This is my gift to your gina
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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