When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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