O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
