Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
