I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
