She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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