If that was your dad, he is hot
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
