theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
