You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
