I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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