Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
