is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
