Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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