Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
