so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
