every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
