Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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