True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
did you just send me my own nude
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
