I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
