I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
