belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
