i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
