you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
