i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
