if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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