I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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