I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
