so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
