a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
