is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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