My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
