I CAN MOONWALK!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
