You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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