If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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