i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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