Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
