He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we're making bets on your personal life
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
