Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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