using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
