At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have aggressive nipples.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
