I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
