she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
